Sunday, April 29, 2012

Post-Dating Friendships...Are They Worth It?

It’s actually OK to say – no, let’s not be friends or "I'm not here for your personal friend-tertainment".

I just had an epiphany…regardless of what you think, me being your friend post-fling does not somehow make me an emotionally superior being. In real life it means I’ve now signed up to have awkward turtle moments for an unspecified period time which usually means up until one of us gets a significant other who is not having that ish!

I’m sure many of you have had these moments… the “I shouldn’t have sent that text in my drunken stupor”, “who is this new chick/fella posing in his/her FB profile”, or my personal fave “do we kiss or otherwise if the moment feels right after that we’re just friends, strictly platonic, catch-up dinner”.

As we navigate the dating scene there comes a point when the go/no-go decision becomes apparent. The question is – when it’s not a formal relationship what happens post no-go? Does a we’re not attracted to each other anymore switch go off that instantly makes your former potential beau become your new no-date Friday happy hour buddy? I think not.

Now there are obviously variants in this, and there are instances when a continuing friendship makes sense i.e. professional linkages or shared circle of friends. But in my opinion, if any sexual encounter is involved – you really should avoid the “friends” box.

Now don’t get up in arms on me! This is just one busy girl’s view. BUT part of this deals with how you describe this “friendship” to the person you meet that actually wants to commit with you. Those casual meet-ups will likely not be tolerated by the person who wants to be exclusive once they know the nature of that relationship – which they should. AND if the “friendship” is over once this happens, what was the point of it anyways? Friendship is not a consolation prize for a failed courtship.

The other items to be avoided are misplaced expectations on post-situationship friendships. If you’re on the wrong side of the coin…friendship can be an ill substitute for a relationship you wanted to happen. On the other end, if you dig the person but don’t see the potential for a match, prepare to be on the receiving end of scrutiny of your intentions upon each interaction (whether stated or not).

Rather than giving energy to this pseudo-friendship, turn your attention to your real friends (you know, the ones you haven’t had sex with) and clear room for the relationship that’s meant to come your way!

- Ciao!

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